Self-Care

Keeping It Together – Even When You Don’t Want To

I received some sad news this morning. A former client passed away over the weekend and the funeral is tomorrow. They left the agency several months ago because they needed a higher level of care. This is the second former client who has died in the last 30 days. Losing clients (even if they’re former, you will always think of them as your client) is never easy. As a social worker I’m privileged to be involved in intimate details of people’s lives. I wouldn’t be in this line of work if I didn’t care deeply about those I work with. A professional hazard is that you will inevitably lose each client – many will recover and move on (YAY), some will drop out and you’ll never hear from them again, and some will die before their time.

I work with individuals diagnosed with serious mental illness. They are vulnerable to homelessness, abuse, poverty, lack of access to nutritious food, unhealthy lifestyle habits (smoking, lack of exercise due to illness or because of fatigue from medications), etc. People with these diagnoses tend to die about 25 years sooner than the general population. This means that the death of a client in their 40s or 50s is not unusual.

One of the things that has made the deaths of the two clients this month so difficult is that I needed to support my staff and other clients with the grieving process while I also grieve. Today was a difficult day. First stop this morning was to tell the other clients and answer their questions to help them start to process their grief. The next job was notifying all the staff who worked with this person and supporting any of them who needed to talk. In addition, there was my regular workload. All of this had to happen while I was feeling quite sad and somewhat guilty that I hadn’t followed up with the former resident and visited them in the nursing home the way I intended.

I think that all of us, at some point in our daily lives, have needed to keep our own reactions in check in order to make sure thing get taken care of. Sometimes this must be done daily. So how do we keep it together when all we want to do is fall apart? Here are my suggestions:

  • Acknowledge your feelings – To the best of your ability in your situation acknowledge that you’re not feeling 100%. Depending on what’s been going on, a simple “I’m not at my best today” may be helpful. If you don’t feel comfortable saying this in your work environment then at least acknowledge it to yourself. Give yourself a break if you find that you’re not working as quickly or as accurately as usual. We all have off days. You are human, you’re allowed to not be perfect.

 

  • Talk it out – If you have someone you trust at work then go to them and ask if you can share some of your thoughts. Be mindful when choosing who to help you process thoughts or feeling. For example, I wouldn’t go to one of the staff I supervised to talk about feeling sad at the loss of this client because I’m supposed to be the one supporting them. I’m honest with staff about my feelings – I can tell them that I feel sad about the death of the former client but for a deeper exploration of my feelings I seek out either a supervisor or someone else in the company that I don’t supervise.

 

  • Set aside time to fully experience your emotions – I learned this from a former supervisor who specialized in treating other therapists. It is very useful when sitting with a client who is sharing tragic or horrifying personal details. If you’re in a situation where you can’t react the way you really want to (cry, scream, curse), then make yourself a promise. Identify a time later that day when you can react the way you want to and tell yourself that you can put those thoughts and feelings on hold until that time. The trick to this is that when the identified time comes, you MUST keep the promise you made to yourself and allow yourself to think whatever sad, negative, irrational thoughts that you ignored earlier. If you promise yourself a time to react, put your feelings on hold, and later don’t give yourself what you promised then you stifle your emotions which will impede healing or coping with whatever is going on. I find this one helpful when I have intrusive sad or anxious thoughts that are keeping me from doing my work. Once I tell myself I’m going to deal with those thoughts later in the day I’m able to refocus on what I need to do.

 

  • Take care of yourself – When you are struggling it is crucial to take good physical care of yourself. Your mind is already going through a lot, don’t make it also have to deal with a body that feels unhealthy. You may have the urge to eat ¾ of the birthday cake in the break room left over from yesterday’s celebration (been there, done that), but try to keep yourself to a regular-sized piece. Drink lots of water and minimize your caffeine intake. If possible, take a short walk during a lunch break. Eat whole fruits and vegetables. Try doing some gentle stretching.

As always, some (or none!) of my suggestions may be helpful or effective in your situation. I can only share the things that help me. I would love to hear ways other people make it through their day when it’s an extra struggle?

Physical Health · Self-Care · Social Anxiety

Summer Self-Care Plan

The past couple of weeks have been a roller coaster for me and my family. First there was the usual end of semester research papers to write. By the time my last paper is turned in, I am drained of mental and physical energy for at least a week. Several days after finishing my last research paper, my father experienced some health problems and spent 5 days in the hospital. The icing on the stress and anxiety cake was a bedbug scare at one of our programs at work. This series of stressful events left me in need of some serious self-care!

Over the past 6 months my self-care has gone down the drain. I became out of shape because all I did was work, study (sooo much sitting and staring at screens), and stress eat (so much stress eating). Now that it’s summer I’m determined to get back to feeling healthy again. My summer plan has 3 components:

  • Increase the amount of fresh fruits and vegetables I eat each day, preferably from my vegetable garden
  • Practice home yoga (Yoga with Adriene!) two times each week, a minimum of 30 minutes per session
  • Complete 8-week Couch to 5K training program

I discovered the Couch to 5K around 10 years ago and I have completed the program several times. It is basically what it sounds like – it takes you from “couch potato” to running a 5K through a series of run/walk intervals that gradually increase until you are able to run a 5K (3.1 miles). There are two different ways to do the program – time or distance.

  •  Time: You will run your interval based on a fixed amount of time (90 seconds, 3 minutes, etc). This means that your distance will    depend on your running speed. If you’re a slow runner (like me – I call what I do running but honestly, it’s more of a slow-to-medium speed jog) then you will probably not be running a full 5K in the 30 minutes that the program trains you for.
  • Distance: You will run your interval based on a fixed distance (1/8 mile, ½ mile, etc). This means that the time it takes to complete each interval depends on your speed. If you choose this route you may find that you take longer to complete each interval than is projected by the program.

I choose to run for time. I find it easier to bargain with myself (when I’m tired and want to stop) if I’m aiming for an amount of time. It’s easier to convince myself to keep my legs moving for a specific amount of time, even if it means my speed is super slow. I figure that as long as I’m technically moving (even at a snail’s pace) it counts as exercise.

If you decide to try the Couch to 5K, I recommend downloading one of the many Couch to 5K apps available in iOS or android. If you do not have a smartphone or don’t like exercising with one, you can print out the training program here and use a watch to time your intervals. I prefer to use an app because it provides a voice prompt that tells you when to run and when to walk. There a multiple apps to choose from. Just a heads up – some of them are only free for the first 2 weeks of running and then require an upgrade to access the remainder of the training program. If you’re like me and prefer to keep your apps free then you can download the C25K app from Zen Labs. There is an upgrade option but you can still access the entire basic training program with the free version.

C25K is an acceptable app – I won’t lie and say that it’s the prettiest one out there to use. The free version has ads which can be annoying and the app is a little clunky. It is persistent about prompting you to post everything to social media, something I see no reason to do. But, if that’s your thing then it’ll let you show your progress to your friends. It also lets you access your music library from the app. Alternately, you can use a different music app if you don’t want to listen to your library. I use Rock My Run (the free version, of course) and I love it!

I don’t run on sidewalks because it makes my social anxiety act up and I get distracted thinking about whether the people in cars are judging me (it’s not a pretty picture when I’m running – lots of sweat, bright red face, I probably look like I’m about to collapse). There is a park that I’ve been exercising and playing in since I was a child. It’s not very big – the running trail is only a mile so I end up making multiple laps.

The others I see in the park are mostly older people taking their dogs out for a leisurely stroll. Occasionally there is a little league baseball game in the park and I alter my running path. The steepest part of the path goes by the baseball bleachers and I don’t enjoy dodging parents and younger siblings during the hardest part of the run. The park does have a great swinging bench on top of one of the hills that looks over the park and the nearby houses, I like to sit there after my run is over and enjoy the view for a few minutes before I leave the park.

I’m happy to report that in the past week I have managed to run (ok, more like jog/walk) twice and have done yoga twice. I’m aiming to go for another “run” tomorrow. Wish me luck!

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First Guest Post – Learning from Dogs

The death of Zeke: A guest post.

via In memory of Zeke — Learning from Dogs

Hey everyone! Check out my first guest post over on Learning from Dogs. I write about the experience of losing our Rottweiler, Zeke, last year as well as the grief and healing that has occurred since. It’s not as sad as it sounds!

Though we could never replace Zeke (and would never try), we did get this bundle of cuteness in January so that we would be a 3 dog household again:

Pierce Bed

His name is Pierce, after the street my husband lived on when we first met. I’m sure I’ll mention Pierce and my other fuzzy creatures again at some point! Until then, you can learn more about them over on Learning from Dogs.

I promise I’ll have more content soon! This is the last week of the semester so it’s crunch time but after Friday at 5 pm I’ll be FREE for the summer (kinda….not really….it’s complicated)!